The question I want to look at today is, what builds courage, in life and art?

Just want to start setting some context for this post with some interesting reading that a friend of mine shared a while ago; The concept that was shared was basically: "Making decisions with hardcore data will likely not build confidence, even if the result yields success. Confidence does not come from success, contrary to general perception. True confidence comes from decisions made in a case of ambiguity, 'regardless' if decisions made where right or wrong."

This is very interesting… I was mind blown for not having seen this so clearly in the past. Reality is, I can absolutely relate to this now based on life experience. The thought intrigued me and got me really thinking about what I want to share here…

In the past, I was a very data driven person. I felt that my decisions had to be made based on where data led me. There was a lot of analysis and constant 'thinking'. Some decisions turned out great based on perceived 'success' results. And, despite deep analysis, some decisions turned out to be really wrong as well. But even the so called 'successful' decisions seemed often to be right on the 'outside' (according to main stream thinking), but not always feeling right on the 'inside' and they didn't necessarily make me a much braver person. Because the data I used came externally and was always more of a synthesis of what society thinks, friends think, family thinks, colleagues think, and what classic education instills, or even what is offered in many books. It was often good and solid data, but not necessarily always best for a certain "individual" (a.k.a. me). What ended up happening was that the fear from making mistakes (risk avoidance) and always maintaining a sense of being 'successful' (whatever that means!?) had held me back many years and had actually limited my true confidence and my true potential in life.

How can you grow your confidence when you never make mistakes, when you never fall and get up? When you always try to play it safe?

It was when I let go of being right, let go of being seen as successful, embracing and loving my imperfection that my confidence in myself grew a lot more.

Things have shifted over the years, as I tuned more and more into how I feel inside, vs what common data tells me (I'm still a work in progress there)

I realize how much my confidence as a human being has grown since I started to live in a more authentic state. I have this growing courage of making decisions not worrying if I will end up right or wrong, not worrying if some will judge me or not. Or even if I do worry at times (hey, we're human!), I realize I should do it anyway. I can be wrong, and it is totally OK. (I was wrong in the past and ended up just fine - right?). Because it is 'my' decision, not one that I made based on social norms, or based on what people expect, or what media says. And I have no problem in owning my decision regardless of outcome. There is something about challenging the norms (the 'data' out there), and the joy of discovering something authentic about yourself in each step... Once you get on this track, and move despite the fears and mistakes, confidence just keeps building, and will continue to grow.

In thinking about all this, I realized that I was never as uncertain about life as I was over the past few years. And I have been thriving in this uncertainty. It drives me. There is no uncertainty of my vision (I'm crystal clear on that), and what I desire or who I am - and I feel that's all I need now. There is no firm plan of the "how", including many personal aspects, and how all will work out, where it will all lead me…. The only certainty is that I love the life journey, I love growing, I love what I do, and I feel I have so much to learn and so much to share with wonderful people, so much to see, so much to experience. I don’t know the details…I don't need more details. I have a vision and am intrigued by the sense of surprise. And I love it. I don't want to go back to the highly analytical person I was, constantly thinking "what if".

I am good, just being me. And I am good making decisions from within.

And you are good just being YOU. You are OK with your mistakes, as long as you own them and move forward.

The fact that you do keep going, take action despite fears and mistakes, and that you learn from them is what will grow your confidence. Trying to make no mistakes on the other hand, will just keep you small and never allow you to reach your true potential.

I am drawing so many parallels here with art. And if you are a creative too, I'm feeling that at this point you started thinking the same;

My art practice has helped me a lot as it teaches me that it is not about the decisions being good or bad, it is about taking a step, listening to your gut. What if we make a mistake on the canvas ? Often it can be a beautiful accident that teaches us. If we don't like it, we can add new strokes. Or we can take a break, refresh our mind, and start a new canvas.

Which of the following will grow our courage more as an artist ?

(A) Being cautious and knowing that each piece we did must be flawless from beginning to end… executed in perfect precision with the right decisions at every stroke ? (is there even such a think as 'perfect' art and better yet, would 'perfect' look beautiful at all?), or

(B) expressing our instinct freely on the canvas, and at times messing up, making mistakes, but growing a sense of spontaneity, and knowing that through taking some risks we will be able grow our skills more and be able to discover more about where we can take our craft ?

Embracing the latter myself, I am also trying to be much more free in my art… it's something that I keep working on. I know it will be a never ending journey of beautiful mistakes and amazing discoveries... as long as we just 'do', welcome our 'mistakes', and build the 'courage' within.

And, why should living life be any different?

Previous Comments & Answers on this post from my old WordPress site:

Mary A Snyder
May 16, 2019 at 8:05 pm

For me It’s easier to make mistakes in my studio without the opinion of others. However, I still have to pick myself little ego up and go back to the canvas and paint. I do believe that practice, practice, practice helps me to continue painting something, anything!
Deniz, I love that you are sharing your thoughts and art with so many of us. Thank youI
- Deniz Altug
  May 18, 2019 at 12:00 pm
  
  Hi Mary, thanks for sharing your feedback. I hear you… yes practice, practice, practice is absolutely the key. There are some days when I paint, and nothing seems to work well. And then I know that I’m better off just coming back to my work the next day – and that is totally fine. Something else that works really well, when I’m not liking what I’m creating that day on a piece of work, is to actually put that piece away for a few days, and just start another totally different painting. Starting something fresh can always help you to get back into the creative flow….. Happy creating and thanks for being here Mary!

Courage Grows from Your Actions and Your Mistakes Along the Way!